Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
