If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
