put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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