before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
