You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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