I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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