i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
