You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
