ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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