It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
