the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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