No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize