He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize