So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
