No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize