I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
