So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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