i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
