I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
