Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
