so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
