Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
