Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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