the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize