I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
