So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
