When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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