I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
