"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
