Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this will be a night to untag.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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