First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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