He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize