in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
