I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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