The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i will never coherently bang her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize