i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
