Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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