Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
