Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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