he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
