just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
