Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
