i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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