he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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