genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
