I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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