I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
