Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
