I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
