I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
