she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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