I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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