These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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