i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
