omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
