Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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