This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
