Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
