I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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