I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
