party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
