how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
