just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
