Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize