I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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