Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize