Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
