i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The air taste purple.
Randomize
