Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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