Whoa Z and x make the same sound
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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