I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize