I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
birth control should be required to get into college
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize