You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
