My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
