YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
