whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
