i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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