Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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