I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize