it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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