she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
