I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
