Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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