my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
