so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
