you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
