youre lurking in front of me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
