There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
