I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
