just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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