i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
