I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
