Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
